New Research: The Unique Parenting Pressures for Pastors

Though often placed on pedestals, pastors are not exempt from the complexities of modern parenting. To some extent, any parent in the U.S. is faced with the many digital, political, cultural and spiritual influences that are impacting the next generation. But pastors who are parents face some unique challenges that add to the complexity of parenting. 

In a new Barna study, The Relationships of Today’s Pastors, we asked pastors who have children to choose the most challenging aspects of their stage of parenting. Here are the key stressors that emerged from the data.

Ministry Expectations & Cultural Influence

The role of shepherding a church brings a sense of heightened scrutiny to pastors’ families. The expectation that their lives need to be an example can put undue pressure on parent, partner and child. More than half of pastors (55% somewhat + very true) admit that they worry their parenting is judged because of their role. The same proportion (56%) worries their kids feel pressure to behave a certain way. This can manifest differently for every child, though anyone in ministry knows that reputational stereotypes for pastors’ kids, or “P.K.s,” abound.

While pastors certainly sense that vocational ministry puts pressure on their kids, they’re still more worried about influences from outside the Christian bubble. Eighty-six percent of pastors say it’s true—43 percent very much so—that they worry about culture’s impact on their children’s faith. 

Ultimately, pastor parents know they are shepherding a family, not just a “flock.” Like Christian parents in their services, they hope to “train up a child in the ways they should go”—in person, online and in relationship with Jesus. 

Everyday Pressures Hit Different for Pastors

Though pastors are the spiritual leaders for their congregations, many are quietly shouldering the same complex parenting challenges as the families they serve, including financial concerns, helping kids navigate interpersonal relationships, regulating screen time and managing mental health issues.

Money

As parents, pastors presently find the most difficulty in “managing financial stress and expenses” (32%)—an interesting standout, as we know from the research that pastors are also generally feeling financially stable. 

Relationships

For their children, pastors feel the weight of helping their kids interpersonally. This is pastors’ top challenge regarding their children (30%), and one they face more often than parents in the general population (just 17% of whom select “helping my children with their interpersonal relationships with others” as a primary difficulty). 

Pastors are also more likely than the average U.S. parent to feel relational strain themselves; more than one-quarter of pastors (27%) say “maintaining a strong relationship with others in my life” is a difficulty of parenting, compared to 18 percent among the general population. We know the research broadly points to relationships as the peak growth opportunity for pastors. Perhaps pastors can simultaneously invest in both their own development and their child’s development. 

“These findings suggest that relational challenges are not just external concerns but areas ripe for personal and spiritual development—for pastors and their children alike,” says Joe Jensen, Barna Senior Vice President.

Screen Time

Screen time also shows up consistently across pastors’ current difficulties in parenting. This is true whether they are thinking about their own struggles as parents or considering their concerns for their children’s well-being. For instance, similar proportions of pastors who are parents select “managing my own screen time or technology use” (31%) and “managing my children’s technology use” (27%) as pain points. Other selections follow this train of thought, such as the 22 percent who say it’s difficult to get “my children engaged and away from their screens.” 

Pastors are much more likely than parents in the general population to feel conflicted about their own tech usage. Just 12 percent of U.S. adults who are parents place this among their primary parenting difficulties, compared to the three in 10 pastors who do so. This may not necessarily mean pastors have poorer habits surrounding screen time, but it does indicate they feel more conviction or are wrestling more with the place of devices in their lives.

Mental Health

Another thread of pastors’ parenting concerns relates to mental health. One-fifth of pastors who are parents are challenged by “navigating my children’s anxiety,” and 27 percent are challenged by “addressing my own mental health and self-care.” 

According to Barna’s research for The State of Pastors, many pastors who suffer from burnout neglect their own mental, spiritual, emotional and physical health. We also know today’s pastors have lower flourishing scores for their well-being compared to the general population, including other practicing Christians. Pastors seem to be rightly discerning and self-aware that this is an area of life they struggle to manage, and it relates to their presence as parents.

These findings echo previous Barna data from The State of Pastors , Volume 2 and Gen Z Mental Health & Well-Being, showing a link between burnout and diminished emotional availability for family.

Unique Challenges for Mothers in Ministry

On a few points, female pastors stand out from their male peers when they name some of their most difficult challenges as parents. Women in ministry are more likely to struggle to address their own mental health and self-care, as well as to maintain their own identity as a person and find affordable childcare or after-school care.

Female pastors may be outliers in many respects, but these personal and practical burdens are ones that many mothers are familiar with (see Barna’s Motherhood Today report to learn more). 

Equipping Pastors as Parents

As the Church honors and appreciates pastors this October, congregants have an opportunity to do more than say thank you—they can step in as a community to support pastors’ deepest relationships.

Whether it’s creating space for sabbath rest, normalizing counseling, providing parenting resources or simply listening without judgment, churches can be a refuge for pastors navigating the sacred and often stressful work of raising children in the public eye. As pastors care for families in their congregation, congregations can return the favor by caring for pastors’ families.

Explore the full findings in The Relationships of Today’s Pastors and join our Equipping Parents CoLab to discover how your church can support and strengthen the families of your leaders and your congregation.