At a Glance

• Strong Marriages, Strained Friendships. Over 90 percent of pastors report strong marriages—but two in five feel lonely, and just one in three have a trusted confidant outside church.
• Relational Health Lags Behind Other Areas. Despite high scores in faith and vocation, pastors score lowest in relational well-being (67/100)—yet few ask for help in this area.

Pastors stand before congregations each week offering spiritual guidance, biblical wisdom, and pastoral care. They counsel marriages, navigate conflict, and shepherd families through crisis. But when the sermon ends and the sanctuary empties, many pastors face a different reality: deep, persistent loneliness.

Barna’s study, The Relationships of Today’s Pastors, measured pastoral well-being on five dimensions of a flourishing life: relationships, well-being, finances, vocation and faith. While pastors score high in faith, vocation and finances, their lowest marks appear where human connection matters most—relationships. In fact, pastors rate their relationships even lower than do churchgoers.

The Friendship Gap

One of the few relational strengths exhibited by pastors is their marriage. Most pastors report strong marriages, with 76 percent saying it’s very true that their spouse is their best friend. Additionally, more than half say it’s very true that their spouse understands their struggles (53%) and they communicate with their spouse in an open, healthy manner (52%). Overall,  pastors are faring well in their marriages.

Beyond that, however, the data highlights a concerning gap in meaningful friendships: More than two in five pastors say they often feel isolated, and only one in three say they have anyone outside their church they can truly confide in about personal matters. “This is a role that’s high on stress and responsibility—and yet can be quite isolating,” says Barna CEO David Kinnaman. “Pastors often feel the strain of having to lead people spiritually, while also creating a kind of trusted network of friendships outside of the people they lead.”

Loneliness isn’t always about being alone. For many pastors, it’s a deeper disconnect—feeling unseen or unsupported amid constant community. “This is a red flag for long-term sustainability in leadership,” Kinnaman notes. “Friendship, vulnerability, and spiritual direction aren’t luxuries—they’re lifelines.”

Going It Alone

Despite scoring lowest in relationships (67), pastors are most likely to say they need help with leadership development, spiritual growth and finances—areas where they already demonstrate relative strength. This is a major gap in pastors’ lives and support systems. However, they may be unaware (or unconcerned) that their relational health is falling behind.

As an example, when asked what kind of resources would be most beneficial to them, over half of pastors (57%) choose leadership development, while just over a quarter (28%) says they would most benefit from resources related to their relationships. Even though their scores show a need for deeper relational satisfaction, many pastors (52%) don’t seek—or prioritize—this kind of support.

Moving Toward Relational Renewal

This research invites churches—and churchgoers—to approach their leaders with empathy, support, and practical care. “It’s not just about celebrating pastors,” Kinnaman reflects. “It’s about seeing them—acknowledging that they carry real burdens in their relationships, and finding ways to support them in becoming whole and healthy.”

Want to Go Deeper?

Listen to Episode 66 of The Resilient Pastor podcast—or watch the full video. In this honest and hopeful conversation, Barna CEO David Kinnaman is joined by Rich Villodas, Glenn Packiam, and Sharon Hodde Miller to unpack the relational realities of pastoral life.